The Irish Thug

theatregal8: fine you punch me, I hit you over the head with a toilet seat

“Shawn Sheikhan is an idiot and is probably going to lose all his money.” - Todd Brunson

Brown731: what was it before poker that consumed your life
Brown731: you had to be addicted to something
Manaquirist: Masturbating?
Brown731: i guess im a pretty good multi-tasker

“The amount of nudity, foul language and drugs is very high, even for Dutch standards.” - IMDB review of Simon

Manaquirist (11:46:43 PM 12/31/05): FUCK.
TheIrishThug41 (11:46:52 PM): that’s not good
Manaquirist (11:46:58 PM): Dude, I forgot to do my resolutions for 2005.
Manaquirist (11:47:02 PM): Fuck, I have to crunch.

mxmvlcty: I thought my grades came out today, but it was actually King Kong

bliponthejewdar: I’m the fucking Picasso of suck out artists.

Manaquirist: He looks cool.
Manaquirist: I’d hit it.

Theatregal8: do you have experiment 31?
Theatregal8: by any chance?
TheIrishThug41: i love how the smiley makes everything ok
TheIrishThug41: you could be like
TheIrishThug41: i killed your parents
TheIrishThug41: and people wouldn’t care

SSHadY5485: why don’t more people bomb churches
TheIrishThug41: well, the thing is they do
TheIrishThug41: its just harder to get a car into the 4th pew

Caller: Danny, you wrote in your book that it’s easy to get drugs in a new city…
Danny Bonaduce: Ok, here’s the deal. You’re in a new city, you know nothing about it. You turn on the news and wait for this story: “there’s been a drug-related shooting on King and 3rd.” You get in a cab and say, “Please take me to King and 2nd.”

Anco91: we played that game where the earth is gonna be destroyed and you have like 10 people and a 6 person bomb shelter and you have to argue why you should be in, so you’re assigned a character and have to make your case for why you should be in the bomb shelter
Anco91: I’ve played that game twice in my life
Anco91: once I got to be a deaf-mute and the other time I was retarded
TheIrishThug41: the person handing out the characteristics must have it in for u
Anco91: it will pay off when the real meteor hits
Anco91: then I’ll be due

jonzzzo: yo
jonzzzo: i’m an idiot

(John is my roommate and was about 10 yards away at the time. He then walked into the room to ask me the question.)

TheIrishThug41: if some one u don’t really know leaves their phone in your room, do u pick it up if it rings?
mxmvlcty: no.
mxmvlcty: unless it’s like…their girlfriend
mxmvlcty: then absolutely

Jasonish712: my ex is jewish
Jasonish712: and i couldn’t stand when the holocaust somehow came up
Jasonish712: she always got really emotional
Jasonish712: and i just wanted to gas her

“Meanwhile, the boy’s father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son’s maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.” - Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, author of A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

Jazza: Hey David Sklansky, What’s Up With Educating the World? fill in the blank, you are trying to get people to realize how important math and logic is, so they will learn it, so we can all _____________
David Sklansky: 1. Please my father 2. Appreciate my greatness more than they do now, when they see how much better than them, I am in math, even after they learn it. 3. Explain to young women the benefits of having sex with me.
For those that don’t know, THIS is David Sklansky.

“I want to become good at mini golf and hustle families out of small sums of money.” - Will

Evan: If you say “all in” in a live limit game, are you bound to a raise?
Will: At the Bellagio yes, at Commerce and Borgata only if the dealer is working after 11:40 P.M. … How the fuck am I supposed to know?

SSHadY5485: what did jay-z call his girlfriend before they married?
SSHadY5485: finance knowles
Anco91: what is the emoticon for a steaming pile of shit

“Doug Lee and Chau Giang are at the same table, you know they are just jabbering Asian to each other.” - Will

Pilot: Welcome to Newark Airport. Please do not disembark until the plane has come to a complete stop, thank you for flying Continental.
Reed: Somewhere up front Mohammed Nasir wakes up and is like, ‘SHIT!’

“Steven Hawking is like retarded.” - Will

“I really really hate two things: 1. Dakota Fanning 2. Kwanzaa” - Will

“Yeah, this weekend I’m going to some concert with my girlfriend. I think its called live … aid, or something like that.” — David