The Irish Thug

“You haven’t lived til you have listened to the high speed police chase that you are in over the car stereo that you are driving.” - Danny Bonaduce

Patrick: Jake, when you break kosher, you can’t just do one thing. You need to completely and utterly destroy kosher having like a 5 course meal.
Jake: You mean like an Unholy Sampler.

“Religion does not play a part in [US] government.” - John Richardson

Anco91: do you have a wheelchair?
TheIrishThug41: no, i sold it on ebay yesterday
Anco91: oh my god I just shot milk out of my nose

“That’s nice!! Have a cookie.” — Vinnie Cascio
If you knew how often I heard this at work, it would be funny to you too.

Sankho: How much are the black chips worth?
Dave: Three fifths of what the white chips are worth.

Maydick: Grimes, you buy that shirt?
Godfrey: Course not, you don’t buy a shirt like this.
Shirt reads: I’m drunk and you’re still ugly.

twentyfour face: I think I’d do Jamie-Lynn Spears in front of a federal judge.

“Last night the easter bunny came to my room and woke me up with kisses on my cheek. The easter bunny doesn’t look like he does in books or at the mall. The easter bunny who visited me didn’t have any fur, he only had normal skin like us…and it wasn’t pink or green or orange…it was tan and covered in tattoos. That silly easter bunny jumped on my bed and started nibbling my ears….I laughed and told that easter bunny to quit being silly. Then the easter bunny lit and cigarette and told me that I had soft skin. Then the easter bunny told me that he had two easter eggs for me but that I had to find them in his pockets. I found the eggs and a candy bar!!!! It didn’t taste like chocolate though…it tasted like the loss of innocence. Did you guys know that the easter bunny’s real name is Chester and that he killed his ex-wife? I didn’t. We played ‘hide the carrot’…that game hurts.” - Steve

“I sacrificed studying for an exam to get my car to get beer.” - John

Merell: Be nice!
Alex: I’ve been wicked nice, I haven’t punched you in the face or anything this morning.

Elsa: Matt Damon yells good.
Kim: I yell good too, but my boyfriend doesn’t like it too much.

In response to Evan’s need to ask why and not just accept this as just a picture of a hot chick.

“When she was a baby, her father bathed her in the sink. Being as they were extremely poor, they lived in a building with only public restrooms. Her mother had died of cholera when she was born, and so it was up to her father to raise her (thus, the men’s bathroom). He bathed her in there until she was five years old. One day, when he was giving her a bath, a bunch of thugs cames and shot him in the chest. (They let her live because she was hot.) It was a traumatic experience for her and greatly scarred her, emotionally. Now, as an adult, she still goes to the sink where her father used to bathe her and sits there, bathing herself, remembering him.” - Rachel Rakov

Cookie: If you shoot the ball passed this bag you have to do 50 push-ups.
Maydick: Only 50!
JP: I can do that with my dick!

Jeff (Assistant Coach) during halftime at UNH game: Ok, now you guys need to show these pansy potheads how to really play lacrosse!!!
[Five minutes later Jeff comes to the bench]
Jeff: Dude, did I call them potheads, I’m a pothead.

twentyfour face: I think what needs to happen is you need to play until the money and then Will needs to take over..
twentyfour face: I’d take over once you were about to collect the prize money.
twentyfour face: Considering I feel I can contribute 0 to the team.
TheIrishThug41: Well you are Seymour, I’m Eddy and Will is Miami

Peter Griffin: I know, you’re a feminist, and I think that’s adorable, but this is grown-up time now and I’m the man.
Alex: That’s funny cause that’s the way I think.

“Paul, you look like a girl after sex.” - Mike

Me: Cookie will be a good coach some day.
Duke: A bad dad, but a good coach.

Some one puts on BenGay at Lacrosse meeting.
Collelo: You guys ever jerk off with Bengay, WHOLE DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.
[Silence]

Zach P.: “Premarital sex isn’t worth it! You can catch AIDS, or cancer, or testicle weevils, or a bad body image or rickets. You know what IS worth it? Making love to Jesus. Because you can’t knock Him up and He’ll never ask what you’re thinking – cuz He already knows!”
SexIsForFags.com

“This Bronze Plaque is being Refinished and was not stolen. Thanks, Jody” - Written on the back of an old flyer that was taped over the place for the plaque at the entrance of my dorm

“Crazy” Jon: The week after we get back from break, Club Drugz {aka my common room} is back. Its gonna be ‘Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes.’
Steve: We should get some High School girls to come. It’s gonna be sweet … and illegal.

“[Door Closes] Oh fuck, my wallet [Door is locked] … and my key! Fuck!” - Some one on my floor

twentyfour face: I just sucked someone out.
TheIrishThug41: Was it hard?
twentyfour face: It was very hard. And stiff. I got semen all over my face. These are poker terms.