So there was this rabbit and he was walking down the street. But, this wasn’t any normal rabbit; he was a really cool rabbit. Why was he so cool, u ask. Because he had pants and sunglasses (an obvious killer combination).
This cool rabbit was walking down the street with his pants and sunglasses. It was kind of a muggy day, but that wasn’t keeping down his coolness. But then, while he was walking a car drove by and splashed some muddy water on his pants. “What the fuck” he screamed at the car, but it was no use. The car was gone.
So our rabbit had a problem, one half of his cool factor was now ruined by this stain. He started racking his brain to think of a way to fix this problem. But he couldn’t go to any old store and buy pants, he needed a truly cool store that sold truly cool pants. Then … the clouds parted and a light shined down on him.
“Frank, (that was the rabbit’s ultra cool name) this is God!” Now Frank never thought he was cool enough to talk to God, so he was extremely humbled. “Stop groveling, I hate when people do that.” Frank got of his knees and looked up at God.
“Frank, the rabbit of cool, your quest is now to find the ultimate in ultra cool pants. Now this will not be an easy quest and you will go through many perils and you might loose some of your fur during this quest. But don’t worry, the fur will grow back and it will look like it never happened. But, on the off chance that it doesn’t grow back, I can pull some strings with the Hair Club for Men guy, cause you know I answered his prayers on that one. But anyways, back to your quest. You must travel long and far, but never stop until you find these pants.”
The light faded and the clouds once again returned and no one would ever know that God had just spoken. (Well, that is excluding the bum that was lying on his cardboard box pretending to sleep. But getting into that would be a completely different story that we don’t have time for.)
Frank, settling himself from just speaking to God, began off on his ultimate quest. Before he got far, he found what was to be his first test. There was this really big puddle on the side walk, and it looked really deep. However, Frank took the long journey around this puddle (that must have been at least 2 feet wide) and finally rejoined his initial path.
The next test came even quicker, he had to cross the street. Luckily a boy scout had been stationed on the corner to help little old ladies across the street. This young boy aided our cool rabbit across the street.
Then, there was a gigantic wall with huge doors that he needed to passed through. As he began to approach them, the doors opened with out him pushing them. Frank knew that this truly must be the place God had spoken of, for where else would doors open solely for him.
And then … there … The Pants! Frank stared in awe for a short while. He then proceeded to grab the pants and run! He ran as fast as he could, never stopping!
There were more challenges that followed. There was this giant monster that chased after Frank as he ran. The doors that had opened so easily before almost didn’t open in time. When he got the intersection, the light was red and he had to wait. … And wait some more (it was a really long red). Then at last he ran some more, he managed to jump across the massive puddle that he had needed to travel around before. Then he ducked into the alley near where God had spoken to him before.
He was safe.
The clouds parted again, “Frank, what the fuck are you thinking!!! You just stole those pants!!! You are not the cool rabbit I thought you once were.” God then used his powers to take Frank’s cool sunglasses and the somewhat less cool stained paints. He also had to return the stolen pants. Frank was now all alone and no longer cool.