A turkey was walking down the street. His name was Bob, but since he thought Bob sucked as a name, he refused to answer to Bob. He insisted that people referred to him as Frank (If only the state allowed turkeys to change their names, he could make it legal).
As Frank was walking down the street, a car pulled up next to him. Now, Frank wasn’t an idiot and he knew that there are evil men in the world that drive up to kids and try to kid nap them, so he was cautious as he approached the car. As he got closer to the car, he realized that this random stranger was going to try and turkey-nap him.
Frank started to back up, in order to not be taken into the car. But then, he tripped [I know, it’s such a horrible cliché movie plot twist]. However, he didn’t trip over a bump in the pavement or anything ordinary. It was a gopher. Now, the gopher wasn’t too happy about being tripped over. The gopher, Fred, was so pissed off at Frank he started to gnaw at Franks legs.
“WHAT THE FUCK!! That hurts!!!” Frank screamed.
Fred quickly responded, “Oh shit, sorry. I thought people liked it when I did that.”
After everyone brushed themselves off, Fred decided, in an attempt to make things better between himself and Frank, to treat Frank to dinner. But before they could get to the restaurant, the same guy in the car pulled up again. Fred, who isn’t very smart [as he has shown] goes up to the car. When Frank realized what was about to happening he got really scared.
“NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Frank screamed as he ran for the car [in over emphasized super slow-mo]. However, the car was just too far away and Fred got nabbed by the guy in the car. A large dust cloud rose in the air as the car sped off.
But it turned out that the guy in the car was also an idiot. There was a car not five yards in front of him stopped at a red light. There was a huge and violent crash. Frank was knocked down by the massive explosion and when he got up, both Fred and the driver were gone.
To Frank’s delight, he learned that the man was really an idiot. When he had run from the accident he had left his car behind. All Frank had to do was open the glove compartment and he could find the man’s license and registration. Frank then headed out to confront this guy and get Fred back. He was walking slowly because of the mild limp he had received from the gnawing and the explosion.
When Frank arrived at the house, he went up to the door and knocked [it’s the polite thing to do]. The door slowly opened with an eerie creaking sound. He walked in and upon looking over the main entrance it appeared that no one was there [but you and I know better than that]. All of a sudden a paint can on a string was thrown over the railing above the stairs; it obviously missed Frank because turkeys are short. Frank thought for a second … then realized that this was a scene from “Home Alone”tm. Using his knowledge (he was a huge fan of “Home Alone”tm) he worked his way around all the traps.
When he got upstairs he looked in the bathroom [steam, guy singing in shower, you know what I’m talking about]. As Frank walked closer, it turned out that it wasn’t the clown statute [or whatever it was supposed to be]. It was Fred, dressed up like a turkey, and the guy from the car holding him. The man turned to Frank and said, “You got away, so I decided to stuff your friend!!” Which was followed by a [classic movie villain’s] menacing laugh, “Baahhahaha!”
Frank jumped into the air to attack the man. Then, after realizing he can’t fly, immediately fell to the ground. But this attempt was found completely comical by the guy. He dropped Fred, who ran away [or as fast as one can run after being stuffed]. The guy lost his balance in the tub and fell. He hit his head on the edge of the tub and passed-out. Some blood streamed out of his head and began to flow down the drain. [“Psycho”tm style; not the remake with a shit load of red blood, but only a little like the original].
Frank then left to find Fred. Who had gone to the kitchen to get some ice (for his… well, you know, he was sore from the stuffing). After the shock of the whole situation wore off, Fred and Frank realized that they had never had the dinner they had planned. They were really hungry by now. So, they went upstairs into the bathroom and had themselves a nice meal.