The Irish Thug

So a guy was walking down the street. As he walked down the street he saw a car pull over to the side. “Car trouble,” he said to himself. He was about to walk on past the car, as he always does, when something caught his eye. What caught his eye, you ask.

Well, it would have been extremely cool if it had been a trail of blood that he had seen glisten in the sunlight, but I don’t have the budget for that. So there was actually a really big sign on the side of the car that said “HELP, I’m being attacked!”

Frank moved to get a better angle of the car. And was shocked when he learned that there really was someone that was being attacked. It was a young woman who was getting jumped by a group of rather large squirrels. Now rather large doesn’t mean, say, badger sized, I mean like midget-sized squirrels. Even before Frank could run to this woman’s rescue he couldn’t stop himself from thinking, “Hmm, they are attacking a woman. I would have thought they would go after something with nuts.” As he quietly laughed to himself he began to cross the street.

BAM!!!!

Out of nowhere a car came speeding by and clipped the car that had been broken down. Both cars flew off in different directions because of the crash, the new car spins a few times before it hits the curb and flips into the air. It amazingly manages to land on its wheels! However, Frank only gave the car an 8.9 out of 10 because it had to take that step forward and didn’t stick the landing dead on.

Then, Frank spun around to see what had happened to the woman and the midget-sized squirrels. The broken down car had lurched forward knocking all of the squirrels off their feet and thrown a good few yards away. Now, this would have been great for the woman, if she had not just been pinned under her car when it moved. Frank was in state of partial numbness because with all the carnage, he is amazed that he wasn’t hit by any of it. But he got up his strength and went over to the woman.

He dove onto the ground to get a look at the woman’s face. His stomach lurched. He almost threw up because he could barely tell if she was human from what he saw. Then, there was a spark. Frank jumped. However…the spark was not from the car. … It was from the woman. He looked closer … SHE ISN’T HUMAN!!! SHE IS A ROBOT!!!

Frank’s world came crashing in on him. He looked around and everything had changed. Flashes, different color lights, sirens. But it was not the rescue squad, it was … a … games show stage [just like that bad trip scene in requiem].

Frank was the unsuspecting contestant on Fox’s newest hidden camera show, Holy Fucking Shit: Where if you don’t die from a heart attack or commit suicide from fear, you WINNN BIGGG!!!!!!!!!