Things I Learned from Watching TV at 7:30am

  • My bowel movements should be longer and wider in girth.
  • Acne doesn’t care if you are rich, famous, beautiful, poor or an everyday person.
  • Zack Morris never fails to find himself in a zany situation which, in the end, teaches a valuble lesson.
  • There is a safe and natural cure for herpes that they don’t want you to know about.
  • MTV and VH1, while being owned by the same company, do not let the other know their playlist, which leads to them often playing the same video at the same time.
  • I could be making thousands per month working from home by exploiting the stock market, prices on wholesale goods, or real estate.
  • ________ attacked ________ while I was asleep.