The Irish Thug

When you finish at an ATM it beeps to remind you to take your card. Fine, people are idiots and we need to protect them from themselves. The ATM also beeps after it puts out cash. Completely unacceptable. If you go the the ATM to get money, go through the process needed to get the money, and then don’t take the money, that’s your own fault. Two hours later when you realize what you did, you will understand that you are an idiot and try to not do it again.

PS It’s ATM not ATM machine.

My roommates apparently don’t know what a dishwasher is. 3 weeks ago I stopped moving their dishes from the sink/counter into the dishwasher and started running the dishwasher with just my dishes. A week ago I posted a note saying “Dishes can’t be washed if they are not put in the dishwasher.” So today I finally saw dishes in the dishwasher that weren’t put in by me.

The 3 week old dishes are still sitting in the sink. People amaze me sometimes.

Dear Sir/Madam,

While I have never met you, you have touched my life greatly. The time you spent filing as you worked is much appreciated. Generally files are organized chronologically or by a call number. However you strived to show what was really possible with the Throw-It-in-a-Box Method. It really should be adopted by all companies, large and small. You wouldn’t believe how easy it was to find the necessary documents to ensure ARUP does not get sued and blamed for the delays during construction. They were only minor delays, so it wasn’t even a big issue. The building is only going to open 14 months late.

As I worked though the files that had been so diligently organized, I learned something about you. You are from the More is Better school of thought. You opened my eyes to a much larger world that I didn’t think was possible with staples. Never before have I seen so little done with so much. I used to think that if I used one staple for two pieces of paper that it was overkill. I mean, a 1 to 2 ratio is so high. But then you showed me the light. I being a lesser man would have stopped at the 1 to 2 ratio. But no, you pushed forward beyond common sense and logic. When you arrived there were six pieces of paper, when you left there was one stack firmly secured and your stapler was now five staples lighter. A very bold move to which I tip my hat.
You have shown me that there is a lot I have yet to learn. I hope I get to follow in the path of many others like you, if there are others of you great caliber.

Sincerely,
Patrick

So I bought some Twizzlers from a vending machine. They got stuck. Max and I proceeded to shake the machine til the twizzlers fell. Between the time we started shaking and the time the twizzlers fell, a bag of peanut m&m’s, a pair of Reese’s cups, and some york peppermint patties also fell. Does it make me a bad person?

Ingredients in Milk Chocolate: “Sugar, Cocoa Butter, Chocolate, Nonfat Milk, Milk fat, Lactose, and Soy Lectin and PGPR, Emulsifiers.”

1. NONFAT MILK AND MILK FAT?!?
2. Why are there 2 and’s that are not at the end of the list?
3. What the fuck are Emulsifiers?

Some how I managed to cut the nails on my left hand, both my feet, but not my right hand. And its not like this is the first time this has happened. I do it at least twice a year, which is a really high percentage.
Is there something seriously wrong with me, or do other people do this too?

PS Everyone should have bought Apple stock last week.

I don’t know exactly when it happens (I’m pretty sure it’s some time after middle school), but once you reach this point, all people refuse to full out run anywhere (excluding athletic situations). It could be the last plane out of Cuba and people would still be doing that half jog thing. I’m not saying I’m innocent of it either. I’ve missed plenty of buses in the last 3 months because of it. Why do grown men and women feel so awkward that they’d rather miss something than be seen in an extreme rush?