The Irish Thug

My friend Elsa is doing her coop at home in Tennessee. Because of this I missed her birthday and never actually got her a present. On her blog, she recently mention that she had just upgraded her car[link]. To make up for waiting so long, I decided that I would take the time to add a few alteration to her car so that she could enjoy it more.

For those that are lazy, here is what her car looks like now. It is a Toyota Corolla.

Here is the new and improved Elsa-mobile.
For those that are lazy, here is what her car looks like now.

This is something that has bugged me since was first made aware of the phenomena. The item in question is a segment of a Dave Cheppelle sketch in which Snoop Dogg recites an essay he wrote while high when posed the following question. What America Means to You? This was part of a larger sketch entitled “The Weed Olympics”. It involved amateur and professional stoners were pitted against one another to perform specified tasks. The amateurs were college students and the professionals were rappers, Snoop Dogg and one other whom I can not remember.

The phenomena in question is not that the sketch existed, but the fact that there is close to no record of it’s existence.

Searching the internet using various combinations of snoop dogg, dave chappelle, america, and means to you, no transcripts or video footage has been found. In my most recent attempts to find the full text of Snoop Dogg’s essay, I found two page to do acknowledge it’s existence.

Within Opentopia’s encyclopedia, there is an article on Chappelle’s Show. In the article’s comments on the DVD Releases, it mentions that:

“Some material from the show, such as What America Means to You did not make either DVD set and is as of yet unreleased.”

The Wikimedia article on Chappelle’s Show makes no mention of the sketch, but does mention that Snoop Dogg was a “Frequent or notable guest stars.”

From there we move to the biggest find to date. On a personal webpage (listed as belonging to the user “gilgamesh”), we have an actual excerpt from the essay. I will leave you with the words of this great lyricist in hope that his words will inspire others to dig deeper in to this mystery and see what else can be uncovered.

“…Chuuch, tabanacle, titty 1, titty 2, the prophet Eli. My mental gymnastics will flip you like an Aunt Jemima flapjack. Now, how ’bout that?”

After my parents went to sleep, I looked to see what they had saved on the Tivo that was good. I wasn’t quite in the mood for a Magnum PI marathon, so I watched an episode of Planet Earth.

The episode I watched was called “Pole to Pole” and was basically very very awesome. Even though I’ve seen it before, it’s still sick to watch the slow motion shots of great whites jumping in the air to catch a seal. The most entertaining thing from the episode was either the polar bear sliding down the snow when she first came out of her den after hibernating or watching the elephants swim and play underwater.

The most interesting part of the episode was the fact that they had footage of a pack of African dogs that hunted as a group. Just seeing them start as one group, then fan out to flank the antelope before the one leader chased part of the herd into the trap that was set.

However the episode was not all fun and games. There was one extremely depressing shot of a baby elephant who was almost blinded by a dust storm. This caused him to loose sight of his mother, all he had was her tracks to follow. Then the camera pulls back and show that he is walking the wrong way. Heading back to the desert, away from his family and away from water.

Hopefully I have enough time to watch a bunch more before I head back to Boston.

For all those who where waiting patiently for the answer of what happened to my roommate, the answer is here.

He’s alive!

His visibility returned to “normal” the middle of last week. Justin talked to him about it. The reason why we didn’t see him was because he wasn’t there. He wasn’t even on the same continent. He had gone home to Korea to spend some time with his family.

I was hoping that there would be some huge Scooby-Doo mystery behind it, but you can’t win them all.

Presently, I have 4 roommates. Pratik, Justin, Sang and Mike. Pratik, Justin, Mike and I have not seen Sang in a month.

Sang was always a quite kid and kept to himself during the fall. Would always go straight for his room and close the door when coming back from class or where ever. But you would still see him entering, leaving, going to the bathroom, or on occasion getting food. All that has stopped.

The last time I can remember seeing him was before I left for spring break. When I came home from work Sang and one of his friends were working on something at the table. The friend said Hi, Sang did nothing. After I had put down my things, I went and talked to Justin about how this was such a big thing that he was in the suite, but outside of his room for an extended period of time.

Now down to the detective work. There is no foul smell coming from his room, so we can assume that he is not dead in there. His ethernet cable is still hooked up in the living room. His outlet didn’t work so he had to use the living room one and snake it into his room. Since he is a Computer Science major, it can be assumed that he would not move out and forget his ethernet cable.

Updates to follow if there are any breaks in the case.

Reasons I Won’t be Getting Anymore Dunkin’ Donuts Maple Cheddar Egg & Sausage Croissants
(When compared to my regular Sausage, Egg & Cheese on a Plain bagel)

• It is more expensive.
• Croissants are too crumbly and flaky.
• The structural integrity of a croissant does not match that of a bagel and makes grasping the sandwich in one hand while driving difficult.
• Jesus was Jewish, not French.
• American cheese is better than Cheddar.
• I barely tasted the “maple syrup”.
• It’s more expensive.

Alex: Tik, would you be Tiger Wood’s butler?
Tik: Yes.
A: What if you had to lick his ass every day?
T: No!
A: Once a week?
T: No!
A: Once a month?
T: No!
A: Ok, how about you have to lick his wife’s ass while he watches and masturbates?
T: Hell Yeah!
A: …and you’d have to wear a bear costume.
…
Billy: I don’t see how that makes it any weirder.

There is even the people that answer phones all day on the other side of my cubicle wall.

Driving back and forth to upstate New York for Christmas gave me a lot of time to think. And as I still am very much at a lose when it comes to the concept of playing slots, I compiled the following.

Interview Questions for a Slot Player
(Interview to be done while the player is playing a slot machine.)

1. How long have you been playing this slot machine?
2. What is the biggest pay out you have gotten from this slot machine?
3. Why did you choose to play this machine?
4. Do you believe that machines will go on “hot” or “cold” streaks? If so, how would one know when one was about to happen?
5. How long have you been playing slots in general?
6. Over this time, did you set certain lines, where if crossed you would move to the higher machines? (Ex. Move to quarter slots if the person started playing nickel slots.)
7. Over this time, did you ever consider moving down to lower machines if you were doing poorly?
8. What is the biggest win you have ever had playing slots?
9. Do you play other games in the casino, such as Roulette or Keno?That’s all I have for now. Obviously, some of the questions will work better based on the player and some answer could lead to other interesting questions.

I’ve been home for a few days. This means that my parents have gotten me to listen to a fair amount of Christmas songs. It’s fine when doing the tree, but the whole ride home from Boston is a little much. Since I was being subjected to this stuff, I started actually listening to what some of the songs were talking about. The song that struck me the most was Baby It’s Cold Outside. Turns out this song really has nothing to do with Christmas, just happens to be set during the winter. What is actually happening in the song is the woman is thinking about ending the night and heading home after having spent the evening with the man. So, it really ends up boiling down to, the guy wants some ass. She probably likes him enough, but must not do that on the first date. Then the comments about drinking start getting more prevalent. Turns out he really wants this ass, enough to get her drunk enough to say yes. Now those are some great American values, if I’ve ever heard any. Exactly the type of things I want my kids to be listening to during the young and impressionable years.

I don’t care what people say about eating raw eggs, uncooked cookie dough is levels above the cookies they become when baked.